


It only took us two minutes to fall in love

by Taraxacus



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Bipolar Disorder, Depression, Eva and Isak are friends, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Humor, Friendship, I hope!, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV Multiple, Slow Burn, University AU, basically a lot of fluff, but nothing excessive, but nothing too heavy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-25
Updated: 2017-08-26
Packaged: 2018-11-04 19:18:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 17,680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10997292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Taraxacus/pseuds/Taraxacus
Summary: Isak is a grumpy freshman who isn't going out much lately; Even is a flashy second year student who takes desperate to new levels; Eskild is our favourite guru, Eva is a very cool, albeit slightly confused about her emotional life, dance student; Jonas is her ex boyfriend; Vilde is her best friend; Sana is also there, of course, awesome as always, as are many of the others (as many as I will be able to, because I love them all). Fluff ensues, with a bit of angst because life often gives us lemonsThis fic deals with bipolar the way I know it: i'm basing Even on my personal experience, and nothing else. Same goes for evrything else I write, really. So please keep this in mind while reading.





	1. Brighter than the Sun (Isak's POV)

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for the comments and kudos :))) life gets in the way of me being more active, but I'm finding myself enjoying writing this story more and more. it makes me happy that some of you are liking this, I hope my writing gets better and that the story satisfies you.   
> More notes at the end.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak is at a party, in spite of himself. He's not the most sociable person, but Eskild has insisted so much that he has had to say yes (Eskild might also have hinted at Isak's groin needing some action, but Isak has chosen to ignore that part). So here he is, with Eskild and Eva, and Even. Isak doesn't know much about Even, but he can see that Even shines brighter than the sun, and this is enough for Isak's heart to beat much faster when they end up sitting on the same couch.

It’s 7 p.m. when Eskild knocks at Isak’s door. Once, twice. Three times.

\- Isak? Isak! I know you’re there! Open the door, you boring grumpy grump! -  
\- Fuck off Eskild! -.  
Eskild frowns, and takes his phone out of his trousers’ pocket, and starts tipping furiously.  
A moment later, he hears heavy footsteps on the other side, as if somebody were stomping as hard as possible, and then Isak opens the door.

He’s still wearing the Jesus t-shirt he had taken from Eskild’s freshly washed and folded laundry a couple of days before, only it’s now half covered in bread-and-butter crumbles. His hair has a moppy look, and his eyes are puffy and red. Eskild sighs, and leans on the door frame.

Isak, Isak Isak. Tut tut tut. What in the name of … - Eskild lowers his voice, winking at the Jesus on Isak’s shirt, and Isak rolls his eyes all the way to the back of his head - god, what are you doing? What do you think you are doing? -  
I’m trying to study, Eskild. You know? Reading books and trying to learn things? Something you apparently never do? -  
May be it’s because I’m so talented, so insanely gifted… -  
Yes, yes, you are insane, we know that -  
Isak! You won’t get out of this by being ableist and insulting me. I am your guru and as such I have infinite patience for your shenanigans, but… -  
Eskild!!!! -  
Get into the shower, get dressed and come to the party, for heaven’s sake! You aren’t 80 just yet! Your dick is going to become thin and soft, if you keep up this second virginity thing, and…-  
The door closes with a bang, but Eskild smiles at himself and goes back to his room whistling happily. He’s quite sure he’s found the right image to scare Isak with.

On the other side of the door, Isak is resisting the urge to peep inside his underwear. What had Jonas said about not coming in a long time being unhealthy? He almost gives in the temptation to check, but stops himself, muttering under his breath.  
\- Eskild is driving me fucking insane.- He then shudders, as if his brain has made some unpleasant connections, and resolves to get rid the Eskild problem in the usual way, that is, by giving in and doing what Eskild wants. An almost three years long experience has taught him this lesson, at least: there’s no way he can win with Eskild, if Eskild decides he really wants something from him.

Isak’s drawers are sad and empty, but somehow he manages to find a not-too-shabby t-shirt, basically one that has no stains and that is less than two years old, and decides to change his jeans, too. Once he’s in the shower, under the hot running water, he almost forgets to be angry at Eskild, and starts anticipating the next few hours. The party could be good. It could also be tragically boring, but Isak has run out of new cable series, and the new Nrk one doesn’t seem interesting in the least. Like, who cares about a grumpy teenager boy with trust issues and his giraffe-like boyfriend, and their endless kisses under a starry sky? Who watches something like that anyway, something so sappy and cheesy and predictable? Apart from Vilde, and Magnus, (and Sana’s brother Elias, apparently), he can’t think of anybody.  
So he rinses himself vigorously, and slips into his new dark jeans and almost-new t-shirt, and brushes his hair, that end up sticking on his skull - they are still wet - and making him look like some kind of stray dog. Ok. He doesn’t go for looks anyway. 

When he finally enters the kitchen he is welcomed with a very loud “Hoorrrray!” from Eskild, who looks positively thrilled to have him there. Noora looks up from her book and smiles, encouragingly. Isak raises an eyebrow at her because he didn’t think she would want to join them. Then he sees Eva emerging from the pantry with her arms full of booze, and gets it.  
Eva is positively glowing. Not that she is ever plain: even Isak, who is as gay as it gets, can see that Eva is beautiful. The most beautiful of them all, Sana says, and it’s true. She’s also the nicest, Isak thinks: she’s always smiling and carefree, while Sana and Noora glare a bit too often, Vilde is always lecturing him, and Chris can be very sarcastic in spite of all her jokes and easy laughs. Well, maybe Chris is still bitter at his rejection… Isak remembers the spoon incident and laughs quietly.  
What? - Eva smiles at him, and offers him a beer. - You look happy tonight! -  
Naaaah -, Eskild shouts, but Noora tells him to shut up or she won’t be able to put on his make-up well enough.  
Nah - repeats Isak, - I’m not particularly happy, no. Just resigned, I guess? -  
Eva winks. - Yeah, yeah, I know! Eskild was very worried about you becoming some kind of monk, always locked in your room. But tonight I’m sure you won’t be lonely for long -, and she smiles at him fondly.  
Isak smiles back. - Yeah, well, let’s see. - He doesn’t dare to hope. The last time has been bad enough. The memory makes him cringe, and he concentrates on the beer. Whatever, he’ll try to at least have a passable time.

*****

They get to the party too early.  
\- Noora’s fault! -, says Eskild, and somehow it’s always Noora’s fault, lately. But Isak is happier this way: less people, more chill, less awkward faces and bumping into strangers. As soon as they enter, he runs for the fridge, fishes out a beer and, holding it like a trophy, he collapses on a small couch with relief. Nobody will find him, he’s half hidden at the back of the room, and he’ll be able to drink in peace until he’s gone enough tipsy to dare and move a bit to the music.

He takes a long sip, closing his eyes, and the sounds recede. Voices become muffled, and Isak finds himself in a blissed solitude. - Ahhhhh - he says, under his breath.  
Halla!- A bright voice answers, somewhere on his left side. Isak jumps up and almost spills the whole bottle all over his not-so-new t-shirt.  
\- Oh, shit, sorry! - The same voice rumbles, concern in it, and Isak swallows back the snappy words he was about to blurt out. He raises his eyes and, well, risks spilling what’s left of his beer because suddenly his all body goes limp.  
He’s looking at the sun. The literal sun. This must be how those ancient guys imagined Apollo in their stories: tall, radiant, and beautiful. So, so beautiful. Heaven-level beautiful.  
Fuck man, I’m so sorry -  
Isak is so dazed that he’s almost saying that it doesn’t matter, please sun-god do it again, please please please, but the sun-god saves him from embarrassing himself by jumping on his feet and rushing away.

Oh well.

Nothing new. Boys keep running away from Isak. They never stay. Isak looks down at himself, half covered in beer, and he can’t help but agree with them. What would they stay for?  
He has already left the bottle on the floor, and is ready to stand up and head for the bathroom to try to regain some dignity, when a blaze flashes in front of him, and with a rustle the sun-god is back at this side.  
\- Here -, the sun-god says, handing him what looks like one hundred paper towels. - I found them in the kitchen. I hope they’re enough.-  
\- Erm…- Isak grumbles something, but he manages to fail even at that poor attempt at communicating, because this fucking sun-god, a very concerned look on his beautiful face, that somehow looks more dashing with every line between his eyebrows, the fucking sun-god is suddenly drying Isak up by passing the paper towels all over his t-shirt. All over him. All over.  
Isak thinks he’s going to faint when the sun-god actually brushes him there, over his ….  
\- Ok, ok - he manages to say, and the sun-god immediately stops. It then looks as if he were going to apologize again, and Isak stops him. - Erm, thanks…erm -  
\- Even. - The sun-god dries up his very own hand on his immaculate white pants, and offers it to Isak with the biggest, brightest smile. - Even. And you are…-  
Isak. -  
Even manages to smile even more widely, and Isak actually blinks furiously, half-blinded.  
You must be Eskild’s mysterious flatmate! -.  
Isak blushes, and he wants to disappear into the ground. If this…if Even knows Eskild, than all hope is gone. Not that Isak was hoping. Hoping for what, anyway? He shuffles his head, trying to bring order to his thoughts.  
Isak? Are you ok?-

No, Isak isn’t ok. 

\- I am not mysterious - he blurts, and then regrets it immediately. Even bursts out laughing, and he can’t stop for a whole minute. Isak has gone red, and he wants to disappear again, but then Even recovers, and he briefly puts a hand over Isak’s knee.  
Over his fucking knee. A big, warm hand.  
\- I’m sorry, it was a joke. - Even’s eyes twinkle. - It’s just that Eskild has painted you as this very good looking, very intelligent, and very mysterious flatmate who is too cool to party, and I imagined you to be completely different. Like a pirate, you know. -  
Right. A pirate. A dark-haired, smooth, mysterious fucking pirate. That’s what an Even would want, not some kind of grumpy Smurf who pouts and whines if somebody eats his toasted cheese. Isak deflates, but then Even puts his hand back on Isak’s knee, and squeezes lightly.  
But you’re actually very cute - he says, fondly, and smiles again.

Isak smiles back. Even then says something, and he keeps talking, and Isak keeps smiling, and nodding, and sometimes managing to say something that doesn’t sound too dull, and Even smiles more, and talks more, and so it goes. Isak is so busy with it all that he doesn’t notice Eskild and Eva shooting glances at them, and Eskild beaming like a proud pappa, and elbowing Eva furiously.  
Tonight, Isak has eyes only for the sun.

*****

Isak wakes up with a headache and the hint of a cold in the morning. For the first second after regaining consciousness, he actually thinks he’s gone blind: everything is pitch-dark.  
He turns his head furiously from left to right, and then something catches the corner of his eye: wide shoulders, wide shoulders, wide shoulders. And an arm. Even in the darkness, it’s beautiful.  
\- I’m dreaming, or hallucinating -, Isak thinks, and he pokes at the arm, the way one does in dreams, expecting it to burst like a bubble.  
But the arm doesn’t burst. Instead, it’s warm. And soft, but not too soft. And the wide shoulder move, and the duvet moves over Isak, and he is so startled that he turns around, hiding from it all.

\- Mh - says a low, dee, sleepy voice. - Isak, let’s sleep a bit. - Two arms circle Isak at the waist, soft hair brushes on his neck, and his back is now resting on a warm, male chest. - Just a bit longer. -

He’s in bed with a sun-god.

Isak faints into oblivion.


	2. At the bottom of my heart (Isak's POV)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak and Even find themselves at the bottom of an empty swimming pool, and magic ensues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There was an old swimming pool in my hometown, one that nobody used, and it was turned into an underground club. It only lasted a summer, but it was amazing, and I hope I've captured a bit of the magic here, even though the one Isak and Even find is a much quieter setting.  
> Thank you for reading!  
> You can find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/dandelionstories)

4 hours earlier, at the party.

They are sitting on the couch, shoulders touching, drinks in their hands. Even is talking. Isak breaths in, breaths out, and tries to focus. Answer something. Be cool. Be sassy. Just please don’t stay silent like an idiot.  
\- So how did you end up at this party? - Even asks.  
\- My friends, yeah, Eskild and Eva, I mean... they forced me to join them -. Ok. Wow. How cool of you, Isak. How awesome. How old are you? Three? Eightythree?  
\- Forced you? How? - Even smirks. - Did Eskild promise to blow you or something? -  
Isak blushes and gapes. Even laughs. - I’m joking! - He pats him on his knee, again, and Isak shivers, and cannot answer. Like, his mind goes blank. This is so not going well. What the hell? He stays silent for a while, chewing his lower lip, looking at his hands. When he finally raises his gaze, Even is looking at him, with a soft smile and gentle eyes.  
\- Great conversation, uh? - he says, but he is not teasing, he's smiling kindly, and Isak blushes. Shit. Say something, say something, anything. He said you're cute, he said it, so now say something!  
\- So, - he manages to mutter, clearing his throat, - are you… are you a student in media? -  
\- Wow! - Even puts a hand on his heart, and closes his eyes. - Are you a wizard? How could you guess? -  
Isak laughs, in spite of his nervousness. - Well, you look the part… -  
\- Ok, Isak, this is where you tell me I’m a fucking hipster, isn’t it? -  
\- Yes, I guess this is it. -  
\- Ok, so, this is where I tell you that I might look like a hipster, but inside, inside I’m a … - Even gets closer, his voice a whisper, and Isak feels a long shiver running up his body, and then stopping around his heart. He doesn’t hear what Even says, and he asks him to repeat. But Even refuses.  
\- May be it’s better that you don’t know what I look like inside -, and his face falls a bit, for a second: but Isak notices. He curses himself: he’s just making this conversation awkward, he’s failing big time. Even is silent now, and his smile has faded. Quick, Isak! Try to be clever! You're cute!  
\- So, uhm … - Isak mumbes. Even raises his eyes and meets Isak’s gaze. Isak forces himself not to listen to his heart beating too fast. - If you are in media, what exactly do you study? -  
\- Film. - Even's smile is back, thank god.  
\- Are you an actor, or… -  
\- No, no! - Even raises a hand as if to stop the idea. - I could never be an actor, I suck at it. I’m trying to become a director. -  
\- Wow! Amazing! -  
\- Ha ha, I hope so! Do you like movies? -  
\- Yes, yes, I do -, and it’s true: Isak likes the Avengers, for examples, and anything where Nicholas Cage isn’t overacting.  
\- Have you watched any Baz Luhrmann movie? -  
\- Baz… yes, of course. Baz. I have. -  
\- It doesn’t sound like it, though! Are you sure you know him? Romeo and Juliet? -  
Isak blushes, but he tries to stand his ground. - Yes, ehm, yes. -  
\- Well -, says Even, - I will show it to you next time. -

***********

They’ve been sitting on the couch for ages, or for just five minutes. Isak isn’t sure. He has forgotten everything, the people, the noise, Eskild and Eva, and all the others. He has forgotten that he is at a party, and that he’s a shy and bumbling mess. He’s looking at the most beautiful boy in the universe, in all universes, and this same boy is looking at him, and it’s as if there were electricity between them, sparkles, and warmth. A lot of warmth. A lot of sunshine. Isak has never felt this warm, not even in the middle of summer. He has never felt so many butterflies in his belly, and around his heart.

He looks down for a second, and he sees his hand so close to Even’s thigh that they’re brushing. Like, if Isak would move his fingers he could touch Even. He rolls the thought around his head. Why not? Why not? Even has squeezed his knee more than a couple of times, by now. Isak swallows, and starts moving his pinkie, when a shrill voice shouts in their ears, and he startles.  
\- Hey guys, we’re all leaving, we’re going to Mari’s now. -. A very drunk Julian is smiling at them, his mouth lopsided, five empty beer bottles in his hands. It’s true: the lights are on, the music off, half of the people have left already.  
\- Ha! - Even jumps up super quickly, brushing his palms on the front of his trousers, says something over his shoulder that Isak can't quite catch, and in a second he's out of the room. 

Isak’s heart sinks. Apparently, Even can’t wait to get rid of him. He stands up too, head bowed, shoulders bent. He catches Eva looking at him, while she’s holding Vilde, who seems already completely out of it, and looks away.  
He must look pathetic. He’s so not going to Mari’s, he’s running home instead, and going to bed, gulping down a sleeping pill, Eskild has a couple of those hidden in his top drawer, and hopefully he will forget about it all…  
He tries to hide among the people around him, not letting Eva and Eskild and Noora see him, and dragging his feet. He’s in front of the kitchen when he sees them leave without him, not even glancing behind. Well, isn’t it better so? No explanations to give, nothing. He’s spent two hours taking to a gorgeous boy who has then abruptly left as soon as he could, but at least Isak won’t have to go through it, with Eskild patting his back mockingly, and Eva pushing him to do something about it, and Noora being all depressive and quoting William at least a dozen times. It’s good that he’s alone, Isak thinks. So good. Yes, the best. He might go home and call Sana, and get shouted at because she was sleeping, but then she'll agree to go through their latest biochemistry assignment, and things will look up again.  
So he goes to retrieve his jacket, he’s left it on the middle hanger. He looks and looks, but it’s not there. It isn’t anywhere. Not on the bench, not in the kitchen, not under the sofa, not in any of the other rooms. He starts to panic: his dad has bought it to him, last year when they were trying to get along better, and while he doesn’t really care about material things and would have much preferred an apology, it’s still something nice his dad has done for him, and he can’t bear the thought of having been so stupid and lost it. All because he wanted to look nice, because he had his hopes up. Yeah, right. And now he’s alone, without jacket, and heartbroken. Well, not really heartbroken. Sad. disappointed. Just a bit. Not much. Although he’s almost crying.  
He’s still there, rooted on the spot, going trough possible solutions to this shit of a situation, when the bathroom doors … open and a whirlwind of blond hair and long limbs jumps out of it, almost crushing into him.  
\- Oh! - says Even, and he’s smiling. Beaming. A ray of sunshine. More rays. The whole fucking star (yes, Isak knows that the sun is a star, thank you very much).  
\- Oh - Isak parrots him, and blushes. Even is still smiling, and he gives him something he’s been holding under his arm.  
\- Your jacket! I asked Eskild and he told me which one was yours. It’s really stylish! I’ve kept it safe for you, you never know, there were a couple of shady people here. I think they’re called the Drillers, or something. -  
\- The Penetrators - mutters Isak, as he grabs the jacket and tries his hardest not to fucking cry. Or laugh. He isn't quite sure.  
\- Yeah, them, man, what a bunch of losers. - Even shuffles aways a single strand of hair that has escaped his perfectly styled hair, and Isak has to physically stop himself from helping him. He cannot stop himself from staring with his mouth half open, though. But Even doesn’t seems to notice. He puts on his jacket, that looks like a flea market buy, but is also incredibly cooler than anything Isak has ever owned, adjusts his scarf around his neck and winks at Isak.  
\- Ok, then, shall we go? - and before Isak can answer he is out of the door and running down the stairs, not before having shouted - Follow me, Isak! - over his shoulder.

It’s a miracle that Isak doesn’t trip over the steps, so fast he goes after Even. Well, he does trip, right on the last one, and he almost falls, but Even catches him, grabs his arms, and laughs, but with no malice. Zero malice, 100% sunshine. Isak blinks. Ok, he thinks, what happens now?  
\- Now we’re going swimming! - shouts Even, reading his mind again. Who’s the wizard?  
Isak would like to ask questions, all of them sensible, like Where? It’s the middle of winter? How? Do you know of swimming pools open at this hour? And why? Why would we go swimming right now? but he has to swallow them all down, because Even has grabbed abicycle, and he’s all giddy, like a child.  
\- Ready, steady, go!- he says, and before Isak can say anything he's already pedaling away at almost full speed. So Isak is running after him, down the slope, adrenaline high, laughing in the cold wind, and Even is laughing in front of him, slits for eyes and hair everywhere and he stops suddenly and does a U turn and Isak basically falls over the bike, then steadies himself, and grabs the handle.  
\- Come on! - Even points behind him, and so Isak gives up rational questions, and he sits behind Even, who’s still smiling like all of the stars.  
\- Buckle your seatbelt! -, this sunshine boy says, and starts pedalling downhill so fast that the air is roaring in his ears and Isak can’t hear shit. So fast that Isak has to grab him around his waist, and squeeze, so that he doesn't fall down. So fast that Isak's face is smashed on Even’s back, and Isak is laughing, and the world is beautiful and the universe is a happy, happy, happy place. 

**************

There’s no water in the swimming pool. Like, no water at all. Isak looks at Even, and Even laughs.  
I told you! The adventure begins! - and jumps into the empty pool. Isak springs forward, but the pool is just a bit more than a meter deep there, and Even is crouching and laughing.  
Jump in! The water is so good! -, so Isak smiles, pretends to put on a swimming cap and googles, and jumps in with his arms stretched in front of him, as if he were diving.

***************

They are laying on their backs, on the concrete bottom of the pool. There’s light coming from above, the lamps are on at the football pitch, right beside them, and Even has his phone’s lamplight on. And the sky is full of stars. Isak never thought there could be a place in Oslo where he could see so many stars, and he has to brush his eyes, it feels too much like dreaming.  
\- So -, says Even, and there’s something unsure in his voice, as if he’s left cool Even somewhere before jumping in, as if he’d taken his coolness clothes off and is now naked. - So, were you maybe at a party a month ago? A theme party, a horror movies party? -  
Isak turns is head, surprised, and meets Even’s eyes, looking at him intently, glistening in the dark.  
\- Yeah? Yeah -, he says. Then he’s slinet. Then he musters the courage to speak again. - Where you? -  
\- Yes, - says Even, and laughs softly. - I was hoping you had noticed me. -  
\- I would have, if I’d seen you! - Isak answers earnestly, not caring anymore about being embarrassed, it’s dark and soothing and he’s safe. - I would have, for sure. -  
So Even puts his hand on Isak’s wrist, lightly, and Isak shivers.  
\- You were there with two or three friends, you arrived when I was living. I thought… I left my friends and came back inside, but you were gone. -  
\- Yeah, we’d gone smoking a joint, I think. -  
\- Well - Even’s voice is still unsure, but he keeps talking. - Well, then a couple of days later I saw a picture of you on Eskild’s insta, and asked him about you. -  
Isak stays still, and silent.  
\- I’m sorry, I didn’t want to spy on you or anything. -  
No no no -, Isak actually turns on his side, and puts his hand on Even’s shoulder. Even turns, too, until they’re facing each other, not really seeing each other though, as it’s still dark.  
\- I’m sorry I didn’t see you, I mean… - Isak remembers the awkward encounter with Emma in the bathroom, at that same party, and he so wishes he’d been talking to Even instead. So much that he’s almost crying. What the fuck? But he snaps out of it because Even is sighing.  
\- Jeez, you must really think I’m a creep now. -  
\- What? No! - Isak actually squeezes Even’s shoulder, and Even blinks very fast, one two three times. - If I had seen you, I’d stalked you too, I mean…. -  
Even bursts out laughing, while Isak his crimson red.  
OK! - says Even, voice still trembling, - OK, we’ll be mutual stalkers then, from now on -, and he gets closer. So close that he’s now breathing on Isak’s forehead, and that he has a hand on Isak’s hip. Right there. Isak is burning, now he’s not just blushing, he’s burning everywhere.  
\- I have a dream, Isak. -  
Yeah? - Isak manages to blurt out the word, somehow. While his heart his choking him in his throat.  
I- t has to do with Romeo and Juliet. Do you remember the pool scene? -  
\- What pool scene? - asks Isak. But Even doesn’t answer, he just comes even closer, and suddenly there’s a soft warmth on Isak’s lips, and he is falling, he is falling so deep he doesn’t know where he is anymore. But Even catches him. He breaks the kiss, and he touches Isak’s nose with his.  
\- Hei- he says, - hei -. But Isak can’t speak, and he can’t bear not having Even’s lips on his mouth. He can’t, he can’t. So he moves, without realizing it, he moves and he kisses Even, slowly, like somebody who has never kissed before. And Even catches his breath, and then pushes back, opens his mouth and takes Isak in, and they are drowning together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've managed to finish a new chapter, thank you for the kudos and comments, they mean a lot! And I'm having fun writing this, so I'll try to keep writing regularly :)))


	3. Moonlight and shadows (Even's POV)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even wakes up and Isak is there at his side. It makes Even's demons lose a bit of their strength, but it doesn't make them go away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Even's POV. A bit of angst.
> 
> More notes at the end.

Even wakes up with a jolt, covered in sweat. He feels his heart bursting in his chest, his limbs numb, and his head spinning.  
In his panic he turns abruptly to his left, towards the window, and he almost shouts out loud. His hand touches something soft, somebody soft and warm.  
\- Mh - says Isak, and he gives out a soft snore. Even’s eyes adjust to the faint light coming from the street through the window, and he makes out Isak’s body under the sheet. He feels himself blushing, but his breath is getting steadier, and the panic is receding. He breaths in and then out, slowly, until his pulse goes down to normal.  
He stands up carefully, trying to avoid making the bed crack, he doesn’t want to wake Isak, and goes to the window. The city is still sleeping under a cloudy sky. It’s five in the morning, still a long time until dawn, and nobody is around, no cars, no passers by. Even puts a hand on the cold glass of the window, and then his cheek. The cold makes him feel better.  
He turns around, and stops his gaze on Isak. He shouldn’t have approached him, he shouldn’t have brought him to the pool. They shouldn’t have kissed. He shouldn’t have brought him home. What was he thinking? But he had been waiting for so long, he had been trying for months to find a way to bump into Isak, to finally talk to him, ask him about the fucking weather, about his endless snapbacks, about the music he had on his phone in that moment, about anything. But he never could summon up enough courage, or a good enough plan, or enough desperation. 

Well, once, a few days after having seen Isak for the first time at some random event, Even had thought of a great plan: going to Isak’s uni, attending one of his classes, and then waiting for Isak to go to the toilet, wait for him at the sink and steal all of the paper towels.  
\- He’d be forced to talk to me, then! - Even had said, but Elias had looked at him as if he were deranged.  
\- Bro, this is the weirdest creepiest idea ever! You steal the paper towels, OK, and what the fuck happens next? -  
\- I say, “Oh, do you need a towel too?” and give him one. -  
\- And what if he refuses it, and wipes his hands on his jeans? -  
\- He wouldn’t do that. -  
Elias had rolled his eyes, but he had relented. - OK, he doesn’t, he accepts your towel. And then? -  
\- Then I tuck a joint behind my ear and tell him to follow me outside. -  
\- What?!? What?!? This must be the stupidest plan ever! You don’t even smoke anymore! It’s really stupid!-  
\- Hey! - Even had felt a bit crushed, and Elias had patted him on the arm.  
\- Bro, I’m not saying you are stupid, but this plan could only work in some teenager drama on NRK, or whatever. And what would you do, go smoke a joint in the middle of the day? -  
\- Maybe I could bring some chocolate. I still have that cinnamon-watermelon-cucumber chocolate bar I bought in Japan last summer! -  
\- No, Even, no. Especially not cucumber chocolate. Cucumber? What the hell? -  
\- Maybe it was aubergine? -  
Elias had raised his hands then, looking exasperated. - I give up! -, he had sighed, and he had stormed out of the room, muttering to himself. - If you do it, don’t come back crying to me! -  
Elias was right. No desperation. No stupid plans. No trying to be in control. Let the universe do its job.

So when Eskild had invited him to go for drinks with the squad, in order to finally meet Isak, Even had refused.  
\- I want it to happen naturally -, he had said, - like at some party -, and Eskild had rolled his eyes.  
\- Darling, you will wait for ages. Isak is a nerd, he never goes out, he’s the grumpiest fucker who ever walked this earth! -  
Even had laughed, then, because he couldn’t picture Isak as a grump, a nerd, or anything different from a cute, cute boy with angel curls.  
\- He is, though - Sana had said. She was there in the kitchen with them, making tea for her and Noora, who was nursing a bad cold. - And he cannot cook, not even a cup of tea. -  
\- Well, if he’s a nerd, this can’t be possible! -  
Sana had smiled, fondly, Even had thought, and then furrowed her brow and shook her head.  
\- Yes, he makes it with warm tap water. -  
Eskild had given himself a face palm, and Even had laughed.  
\- He’s a great guy, though. - Sana is smiling again, and looking at Even straight in the eyes. - He’s got a good heart. A good good heart. -  
\- Yeah, yeah, hearts - had said Eskild then, shaking a finger at Even, - but if his dick isn’t thick and big, he’s not worth it! - Even had feigned a shocked face, and Sana had thrown a dirty tablecloth at Eskild, who had ducked just in time.  
\- You are not convincing me, Eskild! -  
\- Then for fucks sake stop waiting for nature or the universe or movies or whatever, just go and get him! -

And so Even has done. Isak had looked so pretty that evening. Even closes his eyes and exhales loudly. So so pretty. And now…  
He opens his eyes again. The moon has come out, and its light is caressing Isak’s face, his hair looking unreal, made of feathers and silver.  
\- I’m a cheesy mess -, Even mutters under his breath, but he covers the distance from the window to Isak’s side of the bed in one long stride. He lifts a finger, and pokes Isak’s cheek, softly, softly.  
Hm hm -. Isak grunts and smiles, like a child having a good dream.  
Before he risks bowing down and kissing him, Even runs out of the room and to the bathroom.

He comes back half an hour later. The water has soothed him, and the nightmare has gone to the back of his head. It’s always the same, and it’ll come back, but not tonight. Not tonight.

Isak is snoring loudly now, and Even feels himself smiling, in spite of his nausea and tiredness, and of a headache that is crawling menacingly around his head.

He lies down again, ever so slowly, and Isak shifts. Even tucks himself under the duvet, and stays still for a second, two, ten, a whole minute. Then he gives up. He’s so tired of being strong, of not being a burden to others, of taking care of himself so that nobody gets hurt, of keeping his distance, of doing the right thing at the right time, of following a plan so that his demons don’t take control.

He’s tired, and Isak is soft and warm.

So Even snuggles closer. Isak is giving him his back now, and from here his shoulders look wide, as though they were strong enough to carry Even and all of his burdens, and protect him from them. So Even closes his eyes, and puts a hand around Isak’s waist, making himself small against his back.  
Warm, so warm. So strong. Smelling so good, like the ocean, like freedom. Even feels his whole body relax, he becomes soft too, and melts against Isak. He melts and holds on tighter. Isak moves a bit, and makes some noises.

\- Mh - says Even, already drifting, drowning, unable to shake himself awake, - Isak, let’s sleep a bit. - Isak moves his hips and Even buries his left hand between Isak’s waist and the mattress, and feels his head fall against Isak’s neck, Isak’s back resting warm on his chest.  
\- A bit more, - Even mumbles, and it feels like a prayer.  
\- Ok - Isak mumbles back, and they both fall into oblivion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It has taken me a bit long to find the time to write lately (and this season of Skam isn't helping me relax!) but I hope you'll like this chapter. I'm thinking of having bits of scenes told from Isak and then from Even's POV, but I'll see if it works out. Sorry if there are some imperfections, but it's easier for me not to revise too much. I would never post if I did! 
> 
> Also, I'd like to repeat that i'm basing Even's mental divergence on my experience, and nothing else, so it might differ from yours or from your expectations. <3
> 
> Thank you for reading!!


	4. Let's be friends. (Isak's POV)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak wakes up at 2 in the afternoon, in Even's room, and things aren't the way he expected them to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is getting angsty but it will be fluffier in the future. I guess this skam season has been making me feel a bit down. It's Isak's POV again. I hope you'll like it! 
> 
> My [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/dandelionstories)

Isak wakes up, and his head is spinning. He vaguely remembers being awake around dawn, or dusk, and realizing that he was sleeping with Even. With a human sunshine. With a boy so full of light Isak is sure he could light up any darkness, any dull day, any lonely night, any time Isak has felt himself drowning in fogs and  
But Even isn’t with him. He’s nowhere in this strange, unfamiliar room, with the walls painted yellow an d cushions everywhere on the floor, and drawings and posters covering up half the walls.  
Even and their night together feel like a dream now, one of Isak’s desperate dreams. In these dreams he’s always floating in other universes, walking through doors to other realities, the infinte ones that exist and keep multiplying all around us, stretching reality far beyond the edges of human understanding.

Isak’s favorite physics professor is a cool guy in his forties, with an earring and a ponytail. He talks excitedly, his hands always moving, like birds trying to track the path for the flock. Isak is proud of having landed in this professor’s afternoon seminars, because it has taken an incredible effort to be accepted, and a lot of courage to apply in the first place. There are only 11 other students, most of them girls, but the atmosphere is nothing like Isak had anticipated. He was expecting the seminars to be competitive and elitist, and on the morning of the first seminar he had spent half an hour, so 29 minutes more than usual, in front of his closet, trying to find a shirt that made him look intelligent and ruthless. Ruthless, especially.  
Eskild hadn’t been of any help, as he had started giving him marks, most of them ranking between 2 and 3 “for the effort”.  
But once he had gotten in the classroom, Isak had realized none of that mattered. The atmosphere was chill and welcoming, the professor looked like some hobo guy you could meet at some downtown cafe on a lazy Sunday afternoon, drinking a latte and reading a battered book, and smiling friendly above his lenses. 

The seminars have quickly become Isak’s favorite time of the whole week: but lately, he has to admit it, there’s something making him uncomfortable, too. 

Sometimes, going to the seminars makes him feel as if reality, his reality, the one where he’s a very good student, an average friend, a bad FIFA player and an awful cook, the reality where he’s been living with Eskild since his first day at uni, Eva is his best friend, and he hasn’t had a boyfriend in years… well, lately the seminars are making him feel as if this reality were a dream. Something that could be, but not necessarily is. One of infinite realities, but not the best one, not the worst; not the brightest, not the darkest; just one of them, stretched thin over the fabric of the universe. And this Isak, the Isak in this reality, is the greyest, most boring version of the infinite versions of himself that exist.  
At the same time, the seminars make him feel as if it all really doesn’t matter. As if nothing matters. As if, because there are so many realities out there, it doesn’t matter if he, Isak, this Isak in this universe, gets to be happy, or content, because there are infinte other Isak’s out there, and he isn’t by any means the most important of them all.  
Isak has always imagined other Isaks, and other universes, where he’s actually cool, and sexy, and popular. Where guys throw themselves at him, where he can sleep throughout the night, where his friends think he’s their guru, where an incredibly handsome boy looks at him once, and falls in love, and pursues him desperately, until they get their happy ever after. But now it’s getting scary, because it doesn’t feel like pretending anymore. It feels as if it was true, that this Isak is so irrelevant, transparent, unimportant. Isak is starting to think that he could easily disappear, and it wouldn’t matter in the least, to anybody, anywhere.

So Isak is awake now, and he is in Even’s room. But Even isn’t there, and Isak is so sad, and he has decided that the time he’s spent with Even at the bottom of an empty swimming pool has been a dream. Just a dream. So this is not Even’s bedroom after all, it must be one of the boy’s, or a stranger’s, who knows. 

It doesn’t matter.

So Isak shuts his eyes, pulls the duvet over his head, and does his best to sink into sleep again. He’s lost managed, when he hears the bedroom wooden floor crack, and when Isak emerges from under the covert’s Even. Even, yes, Even, is standing in front of him, wearing grey sweatpants and a t-shirt with a Care Bear on it. The dark blue one.

Isak doesn’t speak, although his mouth might be hanging open: but he tries his best to feign indifference, to pretend this was exactly what he was expecting, Even in front of him, proving that this reality is indeed the one where they have kissed and laughed and… Isak’s head starts spinning again.

The bed creaks, and suddenly Even is sitting so close that Isak can touch him by barely lifting a finger.  
\- Hei. - Even’s voice is warm, and he’s smiling.  
\- Hei -, Isak manages to stutter and answer, but he also blushes, head to toe, his whole face and ears and neck going purple red. Great.  
Slept well? -  
Isak blinks. Even is so warm and gentle that he could faint at any moment. 

A memory seethes through the fogs of Isak’s mind, a memory of him and Even drowning in one another, lying at the bottom of an empty pool. And then the memory of somebody pointing a flashlight at them. Isak had jumped up immediately, but Even had stayed a few seconds more, his gaze fixated on Isak. then he’d stood up too, and they’d climbed out of the pool, all legs and arms, while the guy (or the woman) with the flashlight had been shouting at them, but she was standing beyond a fence, and she had to open a locked door to get to the pool, so they’d had the time to flee.  
On the bike again, Even again pedaling and Isak behind him, laughing and shouting and who knows what. And then they’d gotten to Even’s flat, and it was empty, and Isak had gone all weak and scared. What if Even wanted to do something? Isak wasn’t ready, Isak felt his stomach knot and his ears buzz.  
But Even had yawned.  
\- Man, I’m exhausted! Like, I could sleep for days! - and he’d smiled, and Isak had relaxed.  
\- Here - Even had said then, - here’s a towel, and a change of clothes. You can use my bathroom, I’ll go to the boys’ one. -  
And so they’d showered, and changed, and then Even had given Isak a pillow, fluffy and pink.  
\- I swear I don’t snore! But if I do, just poke me, ok? It works. -  
Isak had almost answered that he was sure Even didn’t snore, like, can the actual sunshine snore? A guy like this? Who’s also so kind? But he’d avoided it, ok,  
\- Ok - he had said, and had climbed into bed, on the left side, Even on the right side, on his back, silent and still, eyes shut. For a moment, Isak had felt something like an inkling of regret, and he had imagined Eskild’s snarky comments. “Has your dick really died, down there?!?”. But the truth was, he didn’t really feel it was important. In his heart, Isak felt calm, as if he had all the time in the world. He could wait, he could be patient. Something was going to happen, for sure, for sure, between him and Even, and he didn’t need to push, to rush anything. They had just met, and yet it felt as if they had known each other forever. Isak had smiled then, a tiny smile to himself, and he had felt a lightness in his body, and he had felt safe.  
Then Even had turned to face him, and he had smiled at him, a soft, soft smile.  
\- Is it OK if we sleep now, Isak? -  
\- Yes, of course - Isak had said, and Even had raised a hand and stroke his cheek, slowly. Isak had closed his eyes, and suddenly all the tiredness he had been feeling for so long had overwhelmed him. It was as if all the sleep his insomnia had killed was suddenly drowning him. He felt his head sink into the pillow, and himself drift away. Even was talking, maybe: there was a warm rumble in Isak’s ears, that lulled him into sleep. Then maybe Even had kissed him on the lips, a kiss goodnight, soft and slow and tender; and then Isak had fallen slept.

And now Isak is awake, and Even is looking at him, sitting on the bed, and he’s smiling. And Isak answers that yes, he has slept very well.  
\- Did I wake you up tonight? -  
\- No, no, you didn’t. I mean, I did wake up once, but that’s nothing, I fell asleep again immediately. - Is he talking too much? Yes he is talking too much. But Even just keeps smiling.  
\- Good! - he says, all cheerful. But Isak thinks he can see something sad in his gaze, and he panics a bit.  
\- Yeah, and you? Did you sleep well? -  
Even stays silent for a second too long, and Isak worries; but then he goes back to smiling,  
\- Yes, of course - he says, and he touches Isak’s hand that’s over the duvet. Isak actually gasps, a shiver running down his side.  
Even immediately takes his hand away, and now Isak is sure that something is bad. It was too good to be true, the cosiness, the pillow. He swallows. Even blinks.  
\- I… - Even says, and then stops. He lowers his eyes to Isak’s mouth, and for a moment Isak could swear Even is blushing a bit. But that’s just not possible. Yeah, yeah, Isak, as if.  
\- You? Don’t worry, go on - Isak forces himself to sound cheery, and he’s sitting up now, and has moved a bit further from Even. - I can take anything! I’m very strong, the strongest man in the universe! -  
Even then looks into his eyes again.  
\- Really? Are you that strong? -  
\- I am the master of strength, yes! -  
Even laughs quietly. - I’m so glad we’ve finally talked, yesterday. -  
Finally?  
\- I’ve had a great time. -  
\- Yes, me too. - Finally?  
\- Yes. And I really want it to keep being great, you know. - Even looks serious now, and sad, again. A bit serious and a bit sad, and over it all a smile.  
\- Ok. -  
\- Good - says Even, and he touches Isak’s hand again, and Isak lets him. -Good, Isak. Then how about being friends from now on?-  
Isak’s heart skips a beat, or maybe two or three. Even must have noticed, because he gets closer, and when he talks it’s with a very warm voice.  
\- Please Isak, let’s be friends. I really want us to be friends. -

After that, Isak tries his best to survive. They agree on the friendship thing. Isak gets up, Even offers to make him breakfast (or brunch, it’s almost two in the afternoon), but Isak refuses. He forces himself to smile throughout, because what’s there to be sad about?  
\- I’ll see you around, then - Isak says, and Even looks like he want to asnwer, but Isak waves cheerily and runs out of Even’s flat, shutting the door behind him. He skips down the stairs, and he jogs out of the door into the road. He only stops after he’s turned the corner, where Even cannot see him. He stops, and his heart feels heavy and sore in his chest. Isak inhales and exhales three times, putting more effort in the exhaling part, like his therapist told him to do.  
He doesn’t feel sad. Why would he? He kissed a sun god, they have slept together, and now they’re friends. Ok, Eskild wouldn’t be too happy about Isak’s dick situation, but that isn’t really important, is it? Because they have all the time in the world.  
Only, they’re friends, so technically they aren’t going to do anything anymore.  
Even hasn’t touched him once after their talk in the bedroom. He has kept his distance. He hasn’t even given Isak his jacket himself, he has just motioned for him to take it from the closet, where he’d hung it when they got home.  
Isak is still rooted to the spot, and he’s crying now. He’s fucking crying.  
When he manages to stop, and he wipes his eyes with the back of his hand, and he starts rummaging in his pockets looking for a handkerchief or something, he notices that the sun isn’t shining anymore. A cold wind has risen, and the sky is heavy with the promise of rain.


	5. I will be whatever you need me to (Eva's POV)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eva is worried about Isak. Vilde comes back from her trip to Stavanger, and she unexpectedly knocks at Eva's door. Sana is there to make the best tea ever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end of skam has been a bit overwhelming, but I'm back at this, and it feels good to be writing. I've got an idea on my mind, I hope it won't get too dark and that I'll keep it consistent... I'm changing POV again, this time it's my beloved Eva, I hope you don't mind :)
> 
> I'm here here

Since the day of the party, Eva has tried to call Isak one, two, three times, but he never picked up. It’s Monday now, and she’s getting worried. Jonas used to say that she had some mother complex towards Isak, always seeing him as a sweet baby, when in fact he wasn’t. Eva knows this, but she can’t help but worry. So she decides to run Eskild, he must know something.

\- Eskild! Hey, it’s me. Look, I can’t get hold of Isak. Is he home or…?-  
\- Hello sunshine! - Eskild’s voice is as cheerful as ever, and Eva smiles fondly to herself.  
\- Hi Eskild! -  
\- Hi hi. Your voice sounds strange, are you ok? Sunshine, are you hangover? Do you want me to come over and make you a good cup of tea?-  
Eva laughs. - No, no, thanks, Sana was here and she took very good care of me. No, I just called because I’m worried about Isak.-  
\- Ugh. - Eskild sighs dramatically. - Our grumpy baby. He hasn’t come out of his room yet.-  
\- Have you tried to… -  
\- I have knocked and called at least five times, but he’s buried there. He went there straight after coming back from Uni. And to think that I was so hopeful, I mean, have you seen him with Even?-  
\- Yeah. - Eva frowns, but Eskild can’t see her, so she says what she’s thinking out loud. — You know, maybe that has been a mistake?-  
\- That… what?-  
\- Even has asked you about Isak, right?-  
\- Oh dear, yes, many times. Why, I can’t fathom. I told him Isak is just a nerd, you know, that he might look cute now and maybe in 8th grade, but he’s had a long phase when his face was covered in pimples… -  
\- ESKILD! this is not true, and you know it!-  
\- So nice you are, Eva, so so nice! Isak doesn’t deserve you, he doesn’t deserve any of us! You know what I think?-  
\- What? - says Eva, a bit scared of what Eskild’s thoughts can be.  
\- I think he didn’t get it up and he’s sulking.-  
\- Ok, Eskild, bye. -  
\- But it might be! If you don’t fuck for as long as Isak… -  
\- BYE, Eskild! Please don’t mention any of this to Isak!-  
\- Ok, I might have already sent him a link to www.drskulleloveadvice.tumblr.com, but… -

Eva laughs in spite of herself, and then she sighs, sinking into the sofa. Isak has never been the happiest boy, but lately he has been in a constant dark mood. It was a relief to see him laugh with Even at the party, but things must have gone very wrong.  
Well, Even is complicated. Why hasn’t she told Isak? A little warning would have been enough. Hey Isak, Even is awesome but…  
But what?  
She must talk to Sana. 

******

Eva herself isn’t in the best of moods, but there’s no way she is going to dwell on this. Shit has gotten way too complicated lately, and she’s trying to party her way out of it all. However, when Vilde’s number appears on screen, she only hesitates a couple of seconds before answering.  
\- Hey Vilde!-  
\- Hi! Are you home?-  
\- Yeah, are you coming over?-  
\- Well, I’m here already.-  
The bell rings, and Eva’s heart skips a beat. She freezes on the couch, hands sweating and cheeks burning. Vilde should be in Stavanger right now, and not in Oslo. Eva was counting on the distance to help sort her thoughts out, but at the same time the longer Vilde was away, the mushier her brain was getting.  
So yeah, it’s good that Vilde is here. It’s good.  
The bell rings again, a little desperate. Eva jumps up and runs to the door, drying up her hands on her jeans.  
When she finally opens the door, though, she gets all warm again. Vilde is wearing a pink scarf, a pink so bright that it’s almost neon. Her hair is loose, and her cheeks are red. She’s smiling her best Vilde smile, but she looks frail at the same time, frail and a little bit… sad? Hollow?  
\- Hey - Eva says, feeling her heart grow larger, but also her fear crawling along her back.  
\- Sorry, sorry - Vilde stomps her feet on the ground and doesn’t let her smile falter, - I… My mum is busy today, you know, so she kinda forgot that I was coming back and so she had already invited people over, and…-  
\- Hey, it’s fine, it’s fine. I’m so happy to see you!-, and this is easy. It’s so easy to tell the truth, and this is a truth Eva can tell one million times over. Vilde smiles, a little less strained, a lot warmer, and Eva opens her arms, and hugs her in the tightest embrace. Vildi’s coat is cold and a little damp, but she is soft and her hair smells like strawberries. Eva feels her sigh against her neck, a long exhale of tension, and she smiles.  
\- Come in! I don’t want Sana to find us here on the threshold when we could be inside on the couch! She would scold me to no end!-  
Vilde lets Eva drag her into the flat by holding her hand. Once she’s inside, however, she stands awkwardly, brushing her hands together, gaze downcast. Eva puts her hands on her hips, and sucks her cheek. She has never seen VIlde looking this defeated. She doesn’t know what to say, and she isn’t exactly good with words, so she simply hugs her again.  
\- Vilde, let’s take off this coat and seat on the couch, OK? -  
\- Vilde’s smile has faded, but she looks at Eva gratefully, and tries and explanation, with trembling voice.  
\- It’s just that I’m tired, and mum… well she was so busy with her wine-tasting thing, and… Oh gosh, I sound like a teenager!-  
Eva laughs, but softly. - Aren’t we teenagers still? Just a little older? Hey, just because we hit the big 2-0 it doesn’t mean we aren’t allowed to be teenagers inside-, and she pokes at her heart.  
Vilde smiles a bit, and they make it to the couch, where Vilde collapses, and Eva sits on the armrest, stroking Vilde’s shoulder.  
\- How about a hot chocolate? With cinnamon?-  
\- You are an angel!-  
\- Anything for you, babe!-  
Eva tries to stand up, but Vilde grabs her hand and pulls, and Eva ends up almost in her lap. She feels her whole body tremble, loud as thunder, and her heart is back to beating like crazy. But Vilde keeps her close, Vilde actually holds on to her, and maybe her cheeks are burning, too. But it must be the cold outside.  
\- I have missed you, Eva.-  
Eva nods, a lump in her throat.  
\- I know it sounds silly, well, I am silly…- Vilde continues, but Eva manages to stand up this time. She stands up, and then kneels again at Vilde’s feet, hands on her thighs, cheeks still burning, deadly serious.  
\- Vilde, you aren’t silly at all. Ask Sana. I don’t want to hear you say it again. You are always unfriendly to yourself lately!-  
\- But Eva, one can’t be unfriendly to their own self! Like, it doesn’t make sense!-  
\- Oh yes, it’s perfectly possibile, and I don’t want you, Vilde, to be unkind to my Vilde! - Eva’s heart is beating like crazy, but she’s holding Vilde’s gaze, strong and steady. Chris was right, something is off with Vilde. She has never been the most confident, but lately it’s only been criticism, I’m too fat I’m too slow I’ll never make it being a nurse I’m too stupid.  
-But… -  
Eva tightens her grip on Vilde’s thighs, and tries to convey all her strength to her. All her love. Well, maybe not that. But her fondness, her affection, that’s something she can try to convince Vilde of.  
Vilde’s eyes are wide, now, but she’s suppressing a smile. She looks down to Eva’s hands on her legs, and, slowly, she covers them with her own. Eva’s breath hitches, and then she goes all sad. Vilde’s hands, usually soft and manicured, are rough, red, itchy. There’s an ugly rush on one of them, and the nails look bitten up.  
But before she can say anything, Vilde is speaking, and this time it does feel more real, less forced.  
\- I’m not… I’m doing OK, Eva, it’s not that bad. I’m just tired now, and I need, I need… -  
\- Anything! - Eva smiles her biggest smile, her warmest one, and Vilde gratefully smiles back.  
\- I need to have fun, you know? A bit of fun, let’s only talk about nice things, OK? Me and you, like always.  
Eva feels a pang of disappointment in her chest, a tightening around her heart, a drying up of her throat, but it’s a moment. Vilde has asked her something, and it’s something she can totally provide, so she will. It doesn’t matter if she is the friend for the lightweight moments, and Chris is the one for the tough parts, and Noora and Sana for the practical problems. Eva will be Vilde’s sidekick, if this is what Vilde needs. Her fluffy pillow.  
So she stands up, and winks.  
\- Roger. We’ll start with hot cocoa, then!-  
Vilde nods, and relaxed against the sofa. Eva walks to the kitchen, trying hard to concentrate on her task and on nothing else. Making the best hot cocoa ever, the best one ever.

********  
Sana arrives around 10, when Vilde is asleep on the couch, her head on Eva’s lap. Sana tiptoes into the living room, she has seen Vilde’s coat hanging next to the door, and when she sees the girls she smiles.  
Eva doesn’t acknowledge right away, she’s a bit lost in Vilde’s hair, soft and smooth under her fingers. 

Vilde had wanted Eva to tie them up in a crazy up-do they’d found in one of Vilde’s glossy magazines, the ones you buy at the train station when you don’t want to be alone with your thoughts while waiting for your ride.  
Eva had tried, but Vilde’s hair had been too slippery, and she had apologized.  
\- Sorry Vilde! I can’t manage anything with your angel hair!-  
Vilde had blushed, then, and the mug in her hands, now empty of cocoa, had trembled. Eva had noticed, and she had freaked out a bit. But then Vilde had spoken in a quiet, quiet voice.  
\- But maybe you could… you could like, keep… doing this?-  
Eva had been combing Vilde’s hair with her fingers, softly, without even realizing it. She stopped, and looked at her hand, entangled in Vilde’s blonde locks. Vilde had inhaled then, and apologized.  
\- Sorry, sorry, I know it’s weird… -  
\- No no no, it isn’t! - Eva had poked Vilde’s cheek to make her turn and look at her, as they were sitting sideways, Eva behind, Vilde in front. Vilde had looked at her, a shy smile on her lips.  
\- OK? -  
\- OK! - Eva had smiled, her warmest smile, and she had kept caressing Vilde’s hair, ignoring the tremble in her hands, until she had fallen asleep, like a child.

And now Sana is looking at them, fondly. Eva frees herself from Vilde’s hair, and moves slowly not to wake her up. Then she stands up, and hugs Sana tightly.  
\- How was your day?-  
\- Good! - Sana whispers, and they both head for the kitchen. They turn on only the small lights over the counter, and a couple of candles, and then Sana puts on the kettle.  
\- And have you seen Isak?-  
Sana turns to face Eva, who is sitting at the table, and she raises her eyebrows.  
\- Yes. Why?-  
\- Did he look… fine?-  
\- Well, as fine as always, so not really. But yeah, he seemed OK. A bit spaced out, maybe.-  
Eva debates with herself whether to talk to Sana or not. Sana is great, but she isn’t the best at reading clues: she is blunt and strong and straightforward, and so her not noticing anything wrong with Isak doesn’t mean much. And there’s something else, too. Sana is friends with Even, and Sana isn’t the kind of person who disses about her friends. But Isak is Eva’s oldest friend, and he hasn’t been well lately, and she wants to make sure that it wasn’t a mistake, encouraging Even to make his move.  
\- Listen, have you heard… Have you heard about Isak and Even?-  
Eva observes Sana closely, to spot any flinch, anything ?-telling, but Sana’s face stays smooth and serene, without even the slightest frown. If anything, she seems a bit happy.  
\- No, what happened?-  
\- Well, we where at a party on Saturday, and Even went to Isak, and they talked for ages on the couch, so when it was time to leave we went without Isak, and… and Isak didn’t sleep at home that night, Eskild texted me about it…-  
Sana grunts.  
-I know, I know. Anyway, I’ve been trying to get a hold on Isak since then, but he doesn’t answer.-  
\- Eva, it's’ only Monday evening, and he looked pretty fine to me today.-  
\- You said he didn’t though. That he looked… -  
\- Yeah, a bit grumpy, but nothing worse than usual.-  
\- I don’t know, Sana… -  
\- What’s the problem? - Sana raises her voice over the kettle hissing, and Eva puts a finger over her mouth to warn her, Vilde is sleeping and their stupid fancy kitchen doesn’t have a proper door.  
Sana lowers her voice, but she insists. - What’s worrying you?-  
\- It’s… - Eva hesitates, and then decided to take the plunge. If Sana gets angry, she’ll deal with her. - It’s Even.-  
Sana stops pouring the hot water over the tea bags, and frowns. But when she speaks, she doesn’t sound angry.  
\- Even is a good person, Eva.-  
Eva nods, but she holds tight on her cup. Sana sits in front of her, and she looks at her with a steady gaze.  
\- I don’t know what you’ve heard about Even, but I can tell you that he is a good person. He has the best heart out of all the people I know.-  
Eva is surprised now. Sana isn’t one to praise people lightly.  
\- Yeah? -  
\- Yes. And… well the rest is his business, and his alone. But I can promise you, it’s nothing that could endanger Isak, or anybody else.-  
But you don’t know about Isak’s family, Eva thinks, and she goes back in time, to that afternoon in first year when she had knocked on Isak’s door, but Jonas had opened the door, and told her that Isak was having a bad day.  
Just like Vilde. A bad day.  
Eva suddenly feels sad, and helpless. These are burdens that she doesn’t know how to carry. She feels lucky, too, and guilty, because she has a good life, a good family, good friends. Her problems fade in the darkness that is Isak’s past, and in the secrets that surround Vilde like a barrier, like a wall.  
But Sana is smiling, as if she understands.  
\- Look, Eva: if you are worried, I’ll talk to Isak. Not about Even, but I’ll talk to him, I’ll at least keep an eye on him, and I’ll make sure to help him, if it comes to it. But… there’s nothin to worry about Even. He has the warmest soul. And he wouldn’t have made his moves towards Isak if he weren’t really interested, you know?-  
Eva nods, and she’s about to say something, when Vilde appears in the doorway.  
\- Are you having a party without me?-  
\- Well,this is hardly a party, just some tea.-  
But Sana’s tea is better than champagne-, Vilde says, flashing her bright Vilde smile, and Sana stands up and takes her in a hug.  
\- Good to have you back! I'll boil some more water for you. -  
Vilde stops Sana, looking at her apologetically. - You know what? Can I have some cookies instead? Eva has made me the best cocoa ever and I don’t want to ruin the taste!-  
Eva laughs, and Sana pretends to be offended. - OK, thank you for deluding me! Then I guess we’ll have to give you cocoa cookies, so that you don’t ruin the taste… -  
\- Perfect! - Vilde laughs, as Sana joins her, and Eva’s heart feels lighter, much much lighter.


	6. What does it mean, to be friends? (Isak's POV)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What is friendship to Isak? He'll have to find out. Also, can feelings really be put in drawers, each one with its neat label, black ink on white paper? Isak starts looking for an answer.   
> In the meantime, Even sends him a lot of lame memes. <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be from Even's POV.
> 
> In the meantime, if you want I'm [here](https://dandelionstories.tumblr.com/), trying to make my blog into something that makes sense. <3

When Isak receives the first message from Even, he’s just arrived at the library.  
  
It’s a Friday, and the library is almost empty at 4 in the afternoon. He has tried to study at home for the past three hours, but it has proven to be impossible.  
Since he’s come home from the night with Even, or THE night, as his brain spells it, Eskild has been tormenting him with impromptu cuddles, chocolate, and fluffy pillows. And the longest and most akward talks, that always, always end on the subject Isak mostly wants to avoid: THE night. And Even.  
  
Until today he has managed by listening with one ear only, and rolling his eyes at appropriate intervals, so as to reassure Eskild that he is alright. He has even laughed at a particularly hardcore dick joke, and heaven knows he wasn’t in the mood for Eskild talking about his dick at all.  
But he has an important test next week, and he has to concentrate fully for it, with both halves of his brain, and all of the neurons inside of it that still work.  
  
So here he is, at the library, when he hates to study surrounded by people.  
He puts his books on the table, opening them at the right pages, and takes out of his backpack his favorite pen and his favorite notebook. He puts his earphones on, and quickly answers Eskild, who, in spite of Isak explaining him one dozen times at least how important the mock exam is, is still pestering him on messenger.  
  


GURU

  
  
Hey hey babe!

I’m studying, Eskild, remember?

  
You know it’s unhealthy, right?

No, I don’t.

  
You should be doing other things.

Like stopping answering to you.

  
Are you coming to the party later?

No

  
:’((((((

No <3

  
My heart is broken

No it isn’t. I’m back to studying.

  
How can you study? Your heart is broken.

Bye, Eskild.

  
Even is nice though, unlike you. Believe your guru.

BYE!

  
Do you think of him when you are taking a shower?  
  
Well.  
Isak blocks Eskild, and sighs.  
Scientifically, hearts don’t break, it’s not like they’re made of glass or anything. It’s not like they’re fragile or anything.  
If anything, Isak is mad at himself. His plan was to cry, isolate himself for a couple of days, and then go on with his life as if nothing had happened. It has worked in the past, Isak being universally recognized as nerdy and boring and socially akward, and it should have worked now. But apparently, when Even is involved, it’s impossible for people not to care.  
  
Isak fully understands this. How Even sets things in motion, how he shines brighter than anybody else, how he’s like a magnet for people and things and thoughts and feelings.  
Isak really understands this. He understands it too well.  
Like now, normally he would be studying, finding comfort in books and subjects he likes. But he isn’t. His heart is beating too fast. He would give anything to be back in that empty pool, on the hard cold surface, looking at the stars with Even breathing thinking feeling by his said. He would give anything to be back there even if Even were breathing for somebody else, thinking about somebody else, feeling for somebody else.  
Ugh.  
Isak exhales, defeated.  
  
Well, he should have known: he has wanted someone who is out of reach for him, he has let himself live the dream, and now he’s paying the price. It’s only logical. There’s no cause without effect, there’s no motion without an impulse. Isak needs no advanced calculus to understand what happened.  
What surprises him is how much he’s suffering. Even now, after almost a week, the hollow in his heart is still there. He still feels empty.  
  
So maybe hearts don’t break, but they get hollow, they do. And they hurt.  
  
Isak actually does manage to study for half an hour. He manages it out of sheer will, and because he loves physics. But it can’t go on longer than that before Even comes back into his thoughts, and when it happens Isak sighs, and pushes his book away.  
  
So he’s grabbing his phone to go to the cafeteria, when the first message pops up on Facebook.  
  


ART VANDELEY

  
  
Hey! How about this, tonight?  
  
Art who?  
“This” is a concert at some kind of hipster bar.  
And there’s a friendship request, too, from the same guy, or girl, actually, who knows, only Isak hopes it’s him.  
So when he clicks on the profile picture, he’s startled when all he sees is a black square. Mh.  
The background picture is a creepy greek sculpture, one with two faces, the one in front, and another on the back of the head.  
On Art Vandeley’s wall, there’s close to nothing. A couple of links to pretentious hipster events, and nothing else.  
Still, Isak is sure this is Even.  
  
OK.  
  
He breaths in and out, then puts the phone on silent, and hides it in his backpack.  
He doesn’t go to the cafe. He keeps his head down, on his books. He manages to study for a grand total of 23 more minutes, and he’s almost proud of himself, before realizing that he isn’t understanding anything he’s reading, because every word gets translated into Even before reaching his brain.  
Even Even Even Even.  
Fuck.  
  
He opens his phone again, and there’s another message.  
  


ART VANDELEY

  
  
Come on Isak! Aren’t we friends?  
  
Ha ha. Well. Isak switches off his phone.  
  
He arrives home around 10 pm. Eskild is at the party, thank all the gods and goddesses, and the flat is dark and silent.  
Isak throws his backpack on the floor, and he leans on the door from the inside, sliding against it until he’s sitting, his knees close to his chest. He is suddenly exhausted, so much that he doesn’t think he can muster the strength to move from the living-room. He could just nap here and now.  
  
If he does, however, the risk of meeting a very drunk coming-back-home Eskild would be almost 100%. He doesn’t think he could deal with drunk Eskild at 4 in the morning, so Isak somehow manages to crawl to his door, that’s even darker and quieter than the rest of the house.  
The faint light coming from his bedroom windows is enough for Isak to reach his bed, and he collapses on it, still fully clothed as he is, still with his snapback on.  
  
He isn’t sad. He isn’t angry. He isn’t even hungry. He’s just tired.  
  
He hopes to fall asleep, but sleep has never been his friend, and it’s not likely that it will become so now.  
In fact, he’s still awake half an hour later. An hour later. And later. Still awake, still tired, and his emotions all over the place. So there’s nothing else to do but to switch on the phone.  
  


EVA

  
<3  
<3 <3 <3  
If you change your mind I’ll come and pick you up  
Sana’s dad has given her the car  
Sana says hi  
  


ESKILD

  
don’t be a nerd!!!!!  
  


ART VANDELEY

  
  
  
…  
  
  
Isak puts the phone away, and sighs loudly into the pillow. He shouldn’t answer. He should give Even the cold shoulder. He wants more, and what’s with this friends thing? Couldn’t Even have rejected him more clearly? Like, “You look disgusting in the morning, bad breath and greasy hair, get out of my bed.”. Or “We didn’t do anything, we just cuddled, how old do you think we are? Sixteen? Ten? I was only into you for sex, anyway. Get out of my bed.”  
Wait.  
Maybe he meant “friends with benefits?”  
Argh!  
  


ART VANDELEY

  
  


you are the lamest

  
^______^  
…  
the concert was postponed

?

  
this **concert**

I don’t think I’d like it

  
I think you would

it’s some hipster shit

  
well  
you know what they say about media students

no, what?

  


omg  
you didn’t

we would be the best friends ever  


im blocking you now

  
OK, but are you coming  
to the concert?  
concert  
…  
you can think about it  
and tell me tomorrow  
sorry

for what?

  
i’m pestering you  
but i really mean it  
let’s be friends

good night

  
good night Isak  
sweet dreams  
  
OK.  
Isak can’t fight the smile that’s upturning his lips now. He might be a loser, but he’s still smiling. He’s expecting another sleepless night, hello insomnia my old friend. He’s expecting to keep tossing and turning in bed until he can’t move a muscle, until every bone aches, but still his eyes can’t keep shut, still they don’t let him sleep, no matter that they hurt, no matter that they feel like they’re full of sand.  
Instead, as soon as he has his head on the pillow his thoughts get blurry at the edges, and there’s no way he can grab them and pull them into focus: so he sleeps.  
  
When Isak wakes up he’s sure to find Eskild in the kitchen, listening to his shitty dance music and ready to ambush him with and reprimand him for being the biggest nerd who ever nerded. Which makes Isak think about Even’s meme, so he’s blushing of second-hand embarassment.  
But Eskild surprises him by not being there, and there’s Eva instead, sitting with her back to the door, her long wavy hair a bit wet from the shower, headphones in, her head lolling to the music.  
Isak feels a rush of affection so strong, so warm, that it leaves him a bit dumbfounded. He blushes, and proceeds to scratch his head, hoping for the kitchen to tell him what to do. He’s feeling an urge to hug Eva, but it would be so out of character that Isak worries she would freak out: and it’s not like he can destroy his reputation as Eva’s nerdy friend just like this, a reputation he has built so carefully by living in denial of his love for Jason Mraz and everything in neon colors and cheesy 90s movies.  
So he coughs, isntead, because coughing always works, it always manages to give you time to readjust and to introduce you to the world as somebody who could say something, something witty and sarcastic and oh so clever, but doesn’t out of pure spite to people who feel the need to prove themselves.  
Anyway.  
Isak suspects his inner monologue is starting to sound like an alternate reality version of Eskild, one where Eskild is a physics student and he doesn’t feel the need to always end conversation on the subject of Isak’s dick.  
But Isak is saved from such musings by Eva turning around and, like, behaving like a normal person.  
She stands up, beaming, and almost runs to hug him. Which is nice.  
Isakyaki! -  
Argh. - Isak disentaglens himself from Eva’s embrace, but not too fast.  
Eva is still smiling wide, and she hugs him again, and this time Isak leans on her a bit longer, and it’s so nice, until he remembers another scent, other hair, sharper bones, and he backs off akwardly. But Eva doesn’t seem to notice.  
I was just thinking that I need somebody to drink Eskild’s awful instant coffee with me. -  
It’s not that awful if you’re desperate enough. -  
I guess not. - Eva pauses, and looks at him seriously. - Are you desperate? -  
Isak laughs in spite of himself. Well, he smiles bitterly, but it still counts as a laugh, him being him. - Queen of subtlety as always, aren’t you? -  
NEver pretended to be. -  
Eva grabs a mug and fills it up to the brink with hot water, then pours four teaspoons of coffe powder in it and starts…..  
So - she says, carefully. - How is it going with Even? -  
Isak feels as if he has been asked this same question a thousand times, and he has, because he lives with Eskild who is obsessed with Isak’s personal life, and he is apparently obsessed with Even, too, so it’s a ƒ(x) = xn = obsessionobsession, given that ƒ = Eskild.  
OK.  
It’s… it’s not going, actually. -  
Eva looks skeptical, and Isak frowns.  
What? I mean, isn’t it the most realistic outcome? -  
Why would it be? -  
Because he’s… him -, like, the actual sunshine, - and I am me? - A cloud, not even a big stormy one, just your average annoying white cloud, in the shape of a cauliflower.  
So he hasn’t contacted you again? Is this what it is about? -  
No. -  
So he has contacted you? Isak? -  
Yes, but… -  
Then why are you this sad? Jonas… - Eva stops abruptly, and Isak is startled for - Jonas said you were crying. -  
Well, I never hook up with anybody, remoter? I am a boring nerd, ask Eskild. -  
So you two hooked up and then he threw you out? -  
He didn’t throw me out! He… - Isak swallows. - He offered to make me breakfast. -  
Eva stares at him in disbelief.  
He did? -  
Yeah. -  
So you two had sex and then… -  
No! - Isak feels himself blush so hard that he’s sure his cheeks must be crimson, so much so that he covers them with his hands. Thank god Eva doesn’t laugh, she’s still staring at him with her mouth slightly open, her brow furrowed, and just a hint of laughter behind her eyes, but her gaze is kind.  
We didn’t have sex. We slept, and then I woke up, and Even was there, and… -  
And? -  
And he said he wanted us to be friends. -  
Eva bursts out laughing, and Isak would be angry if he didn’t notice a bubble of relief in her laughter, if he couldn’t feel Eva laughing her worry away. This is the bad side of having childhood friends, they worry.  
Sorry -  Eva says, and she caresses his hand, the one that’s holding the mug. - But I was really worried, I thought he had done something bad to you, you know. -  
Even would never… - Isak stops abruptly, as if he knows what Even would and wouldn’t do, but Eva is nodding.  
\- No, he would never. This is what Sana says. -  
Sana? Seriously? Have you gotten her involved too? -  
Eva grimaces, and sits back, holding her hands up in surrender. - Sorry! I told you, I was really worried, and Sana is Even’s friend, so… -  
Well, who isn’t one of Even’s friends?  - Even isn’t some low tier loser like Isak, who has Eva, and… well, maybe Eskild, even though Isak feels that he’s more of a project to Eskild than a friend, and Jonas. While Even’s friend are everywhere, they pop up at every corner. Isak expects his professor to be one of Even’s friend, the guy at the supermarket, and even his mum’s new boyfriend. All of them probably are Even’s friends.  
And now Isak could be one of Even’s friends, too.  
Shit.  
He collapses on the table, his head in his arms, groaning.  
What’s wrong? -  
I’m the biggest losers ever. -  
Isak… -  
He offered to be friends -, Isak mutters. - He kept writing me yesterday, even if I didn’t answer. and it’s not like he needs friends. -  
\- No -, says Eva.  
And yeet he insists to be friends with me, and I treat him like shit. -  
Eva pats him on the head, and Isak can feel the smile in her voice.  
Well, you want more. -  
Isak is blushing again, so much that his skin is probably burning and falling away. Great.  
So he’s almost coming up with a dry remark, when he notices that Eva is blushing. She is blushing, and she looks sad.  
Can it be that she likes Even, too? Isak’s breath hitches, and a wave of jealousy crushes over him, seemingly out of nowhere. But he knows where it comes from, it’s all there, in their first year at Nissen when Eva and Jonas were inseparable, and then in their second year when they were spending all of their time together, because Isak hadn’t managed to create a rift between them eve though he had tried, oh, all that shit with Iben who liked Jonas and was constantly making her moves on him, and Isak had said a couple of things and Jonas had almost kissed Iben, or maybe Isak in his jealousy had dreamed that, too, but anyway, Eva had almost broken up with Jonas and Jonas was devastated so Isak had had to come clean, and… Eva hadn’t gotten angry.  
She had looked at Isak with disappointed eyes, and then she had hugged him so tight as to crush his bones.  
It doesn’t matter -, she had said.  
What? Am I forgiven? -  
Yes. I forgive you, Isak. Just don’t do it again. -  
Eva had forgiven him because of his family situation, Isak was sure of that. Not because of anythgin else, just out of pity. Isak knows.  
And she is looking at him now, and this sad look must be pity again. Only…  
Hey -, Isak says, and Eva is startled out of some thought of her own.  
Sorry, I was spacing out. We were talking about you. -  
Isak shrugs, and he shuffles a bit closer, taking Eva’s face in his hands. Eva’s eyes go wide, and it looks like she is holding back tears and laughter at the same time.  
Eva, are you OK? -  
This is my line, Isak! -  
Let it be mine for once. -  
Eva smiles weakly, but she shakes her head. It’s so tiny a movement that Isak would have missed it, hadn’t it been for his hands holding her. So he doesn’t miss it, and he presses on, striking eva’s cheeks with his fingers, as gently as he can.  
So gentle as Even had been with him that night, Isak remembers. And he shivers, but he pushes it away, because Eva needs him now.  
Is anything wrong there? - and he nods towards her heart.  
Eva laughs bitterly. - Don’t you know I’m a slut? I don’t have feelings -, and there’s so much hurt, so much hurt that Isak frowns, and he takes his hands downs, stands up, and embraces Eva. So tight that her bones might be crushing.  
Don’t be dumb -, he says, and she shakes. She sobs, maybe. Isak doesn’t let go. - Don’t be dumb. You are the softest girl I know. -  
Ha. Softer than Sana? -  
Isak laughs, they both do. - Well, I suspect she might be soft, too, somewhere underneath that armour. But yes, you are softer than Sana. Softer than anyone. -  
Isak… -  
Mh? - It’s coming.  
Are you angry at Even for being bi? Or pan, how does he indentfy? -  
Isak freezes. He freezes, but he doesn’t let go. He thinks, instead. Is he angry at Even? No. Who could be? Angry for what? But he doesn’t know shit. He realizes he doesn’t know shit about Even. Yes, sunshine boy. But apart from this? Does Isak know where all that light comes from? And all the tenderness?  
All of a sudden, Isak is scared. He is scared to the core of his being, scared for Even, and he doesn’t know why.  
But he doesn’t let go of Eva.  
She disentangles herself though, gently.  
Isak sits down again, and they look at each other for a couple of seconds.  
Are you? -  
No. - Isak swallows. - Is anybody angry at you? -  
Eva flinches. - Maybe I didn’t mean angry -, she says. She is looking down at her hands now, and she doesn’t look one day older than in the summer before high school, when she and Isak still were the best of friends.  
Maybe somebody would be disappointed to find out. Or disgusted.  
Somebody like Jonas? -  
Eva smiles, and its another bitter one. Isak can’t stand it. He is so full of fog and mud and rocks and stones that he can’t stand somebody like Eva, somebody warm and soft and full of laughter, be this hurt. So he smiles, encouraging her to speak.  
She does.  
Somebody like Vilde -, she says. And suddenly, everything falls into place. Suddenly, it’s everything Isak has always perceived, but scattered everywhere in the universe, finding its place. Vilde, of course. Vilde.  
And because Isak knows, he has always knowsn, since year one at Nissen, and because he understands, he answers sincerely, and puts so much love as he can in his words, as much truth as there is, and that’s all there is to them, truth.  
Vilde would never, could never be disgusted by you. Or disappointed, or angry, or anything ugly, Eva. Never. -  
Ok. - Eva…  
  
  
When Isak closes the door behind Eva, the dread he has felt earlier rushes back him, knocking his breath out of his lungs, making him tremble.  
He’s dead scared for Even.  
But why?  
It doesn’t matter. There is something, something Isak has missed until now, because he was too busy pitying himself, and thinking of his pride.  
He recalls Even’s smile, the ocean behind it, when he had asked Isak to be friends. And he recalls Even having him in his bed, both of them no teenagers anymore, both of them horny, to be honest, whether out of hormones or affection or long-felt attraction or being in love or the adrenaline of the night… or a mix of everything, really, because since when can you put feelings in drawers? Since when can you measure them, weigh them on a strict iron scale? Label them? Dictate them? Expecting them to be this, and not that, expecting them to be rigid and fixed and not fluttery and delicate?  
Isak feels so stupid that he could punch himself, if only he weren’t this scared about Even he would drown in self loathing now.  
Isak can’t trust Even. But can Even trust him? Do they know each other at all?  
Isak rushes to his room, grabs his phone and opens up the chat.  
  
  


ART VANDELEY

 

I’m coming with you.

  
Great!!!

:)

  
Where?  
….

To your hipster concert?

  
Yay!!!!

:D

  
B)

You use the lamest smilies

  
It’s not a hipster concert, by the way.

Ok.

 

Then I might survive it.

  
Have you looked them up?

Yes, and the singer looks hipster  
with that beard  
*eyeroll*

  
You are quite the superficial guy  
…

Yes, I am. Sorry.

  
Hey, I was joking!

No, I really am sorry. I’ll try to be less superficial from now on.

  
Ok :)  
Look them up. **Fink**  
  
Hey?  
  
Stil there?

I’m listening. They are good.

  
:D  


Are you being pessimistic now?

  
Ups, wrong kitten.

Do you keep a meme folder?  
*facepalm*

  
I might  
Are we still friends?

Always.

  
<3  
:)))

I’m having breakfast now.  
See you tonight?

  
See you tonight, Isak.

  


I might not be there, after all.

  
</3  
  
:DDDDDD

tonight

  
*waves*  
  
  
  



	7. Our paths, they crossed. (Even's POV)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak and Even go to a concert together, as friends, and it turns out to be easier than it seemed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I discovered Skam back in November because I was looking for Fink's video for their song Looking too closely, but couldn't remember the title, and so I typed the lyrics instead. 
> 
> And the universe made me find this: [Truth is like blood underneath your fingernails](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_2eTxkDtrB0).  
> And so my love story with Skam begun :) So I had to include Fink in this fic! They are an amazing band, but they are famous enough that they wouldn't play in a tiny bar, that was some poetic licence I took.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! Sorry if don't answer comments, but life doesn't leave me much free time and so I keep postponing answering, I'll get better at that. <3 alt er love

 

The place is hot and packed. Even is panicking: he should have taken the tram. Why did he decide for walking? He should have taken the tram, he should have taken a taxi.  
Isak must be angry.  
Isak isn’t waiting for him.  
Isak has gone home.

Even pays the entrance, and then tries to push his way through the crowd, not really pushing, more politely asking people to make way and taking advantage of his height. He should have chosen another band, Fink have become way too popular, what was he thinking? And Isak said he isn’t interested. I mean, the least thing he should have done was to choose something Isak would like, and instead he decided to go for this hipster crap.

Crap crap crap.

Even scans the crowd, looking for a curly hair of dark blonde hair. Isak isn’t in the main room, so he goes to the back, where the table tennis is, and the billiard, and even more people standing and drinking and chatting. What if Isak isn’t there? A cold wave of loneliness hits Even, and this time he can’t shrug it off, the way he has all those the times when he has been to concerts alone, because none of his friends share his taste for music, they’re all about rap and hip hop and whatever, only Even is an old soul, all blues and rock and hipster shit. But it’s lonely, when you sit in front of the bar all by yourself, sipping a beer, and it’s not like people hit on you, not in Norway, it’s not like they chat, it’s not like they’re looking for some human touch; they do if they’re drunk, but then Even isn’t interested, Even is putting up walls, Even only wants what’s real.  
And it’s lonely right before the concert, when people throw pitying looks at you, because no matter how hard you try, you’re transparent, everybody can see the loneliness pouring out of you like a grey green wave, putrid and muddy and suffocating. And shameful.

Even really doesn’t want tonight to be one of those nights, no, please.

And then, he comes to a sudden halt in front of the bar.  
There he is.  
Isak.  
His hair is damp from the heat, and he’s fidgeting, playing with a key chain. He’s chewing on his lower lip, and he isn’t raising his head.  
Even feels himself smile so hard, so so hard.

Get a grip.

He swallows, passes a hand over his hair. The quiff is gone, his hair is falling low on his forehead, he must look like shit. His jacket is too warm, Even takes is off, and he takes off his sweater too, all the time checking on Isak, checking that Isak isn't going anywhere.

He isn’t, he’s still there, still waiting.

Ok: so now Even looks presentable, he hopes. He briefly wonders if he should go to the toilet to fix his hair, but decides that no, Isak might go for good, he can’t make him wait longer.  
Even swallows.  
That’s the moment when Isak raises his head, and he sees him. Isak sees him, and his face softens in a smile.  
Even melts, he goes all soft inside, all soft and hopeful, and then he reminds himself that what he’s doing here is taking it slow. He’s getting to know Isak, and letting Isak get to know him, so that he can decide for himself he wants to deal with him, with them, with the demons.

Yes, this is what it’s about.

Even is scared that Isak will run away. Even is scared of himself, of not being able to keep up the charming facade for long, of feeling so much, so much already.  
So much.  
But he can’t let his fears, his demons, rule his life. He has to be brave.  
Come on, Even, wear your armor, pretend you’re James Dean for tonight.

\- Hey -, Even says.  
\- Hey! It’s not that bad -. Isak looks around with an approving air, and nods repeatedly. - Yes, not that bad, Even. I was expecting worse. -  
\- I’m glad -, Even answers, with an easy smile, and he’s feeling happy, god, so happy. - Let’s go sit closer to the stage, then. -  
\- There’s a stage? -  
\- Yeah it’s somewhere there… You can’t see it because of the people. -  
\- And are they all here for _Fink_? -  
\- No, most of them are here because it’s the place to be - Even admits, and Isak laughs.  
\- What a fucking hipster cliche! -  
\- Hey, what have hipsters done to you? -  
\- Nothing much. Well, my best friend is one of them, hair and all, but he won’t ever admit it. -  
\- Haha, you make it sound as if he were in the mob! -

They go on bantering, and Even has forgotten all of his nerves, he has forgotten that he was so nervous he couldn’t breathe, and Isak looks so relaxed, too. It’s as if they really are friends.  
\- We have forgotten the beer! -  
\- Shit. - Even eyes the stage: there’s still time. - I’ll go for it. -  
\- I can go. -  
\- Nah, let me go. I’m taller, I’ll reach the bar quicker. -  
\- What? - Isak feigns offense. - Are you saying my legs are too short? -  
\- No, of course not. I’m just saying mine are long. -  
\- If I didn’t want beer so bad, I would leave and go. -  
\- Is beer so important to you? Or legs? -  
\- Yes - Isak nods, - Yes to both. -  
They both laugh, and then Even goes, buys two bottles, and manages to be back in three minutes max. Isak has put all of his stuff on the chair next to him, and he’s glaring at a boy who tried to sit there. Even feels a rush of warmth spread all over his chest, and a rush of desire that he suppresses. Don’t trap him. Just don’t.

\- May I sit here? - he says, and Isak automatically frowns, but then immediately relaxes.  
\- You should thank me, everyone was after your chair. -  
\- It’s because _Fink_ are so good. -  
\- At least it isn’t some 80s dance music rip off. -  
\- Oh my god, where have you listened to that? -  
\- Eskild made me go to _Layla_ with him a couple of months ago. -  
Even laughs. - Oh yeah, he might have complained a bit about you being grumpy over that concert. - He doesn’t add that he confessed his crush to Eskild there and then. “If Isak ever goes out with you again, tell me!”, he had pleaded. By that time he had given up on the whole “approach him in a toilet and steal all the paper towels” thing. Even cringes. Isak would have thought him so stupid.

He hands the bottle over to him. Isak is looking at the stage, slightly frowning, impatient for the concert to begin. Even is looking at Isak’s profile, now glowing red because of the stage lights. Isak must have been very nervous at the party, he understands it now. It had taken him one whole hour to relax then. But today he has been himself from the start, and it’s as if they had always known each other.  
Even feels a weight come off his shoulders, and his heart. It wasn’t the alcohol then, or the adrenaline, that had made them click.  
Isak turns his head, and Even is startled. So he gestures at Isak’s bottle, and winks.  
\- Don’t waste it, this time. -  
Isak blushes. Shit, Even shouldn’t have made fun of him. He’s going to backtrack, when Isak looks him in the eyes and pokes his ribcage.  
\- Says the one who can’t even wink properly. -  
\- What? I can’t wink? -  
\- Yes, you can’t, it’s embarrassing to watch. -  
\- Then show me your wink, master. -  
\- Exactly, I’m the master of winking, look! -  
Isak’s attempt is totally lopsided and clumsy, and he can’t close one eye without lifting the corner of his mouth.  
\- Wow. You never cease to impress. -  
\- I’ll film you next time you try, and you’ll see. If I’m bad, you’re the worst. -  
\- So I win! I’m the winner, then! I'm the best at bad winking! - Even raises a fist in mock triumph, and Isak pouts. Even has to resist the urge to touch Isak’s lips with his fingers, he’s so cute, so cute. Isak pouts when he’s sleeping, too. Even might have spent some minutes, maybe entire half hours, looking at it, when they slept together. Ok, backtrack, backtrack.  
\- Isak is still pouting. - Why are we sitting? What kind of concert is it, that we have to sit? -  
\- Security reasons. -  
\- What? -  
\- Yeah, this is not an approved venue, you know, so if the police comes we must be sitting so that the fire escape routes aren’t blocked, or something. -  
Isak is looking at him in disbelief, but he’s also trying hard not to laugh. - You hipsters are just a bunch of losers, are you aware of it? -  
\- Hey, the first thing you said to me was that you like it here! -  
\- I take it back. -  
\- What? You can’t! -  
\- Even, do you think there are rules here? Of course I can. I’ll wait to the end of the concert to decide if it’s good or shit. -

The concert ends up being everything Even was wishing for. The band is not young, they’re in their forties at least, the lead guy’s beard is almost white, and it glistens from sweat: but they’re in Even’s top five of the coolest bands he knows, and by the way he looks at the stage, awestruck and not skipping one beat, this is akin to what Isak is feeling, too.  
By the last song, Isak is singing along, and Even grins. He must have listened to the CD all day to know the words. But then, this is one of Even’s faves, and so he puts his arm around Isak’s shoulders, without thinking, and starts singing, too, a bubble of excitement and pure joy bursting inside of him, his voice too loud for the softness of the music.

 

**Fink - Yesterday was hard on both of us**

 

Who can we trust from here?  
Who can we trust?  
And are you real, or just  
Something from wanderlust?

 

Who can you trust my dear sweet flower?  
Who can you trust?  
From cradle to grave, from ashes to ashes  
From dust to dust

 

Because, because  
Our paths, they cross  
Yesterday was hard  
On all of us  
On all of us

 

\- Wow. - Isak is still looking fazed a good five minutes after the band has left the stage. Almost everybody around them has left, but Even can wait. He’s feeling so good right now, so good. And his arm is still around Isak’s shoulder, and his skin is prickling, and his mind is in peace.  
\- So you liked it? -  
\- I loved it. - Isak turns to face him, with a serious look in his eyes. - Thank you. -  
Even smiles, and squeezes his shoulder. - So when’s our next concert together? - he asks, and he’s trying to sound casual, to make it believable that he isn’t expecting anything.  
\- Next week? -  
Even’s heart skips the millionth beat of the night.  
Isak is blushing now, but he’s also looking determined. Even swallows, and then he remembers to smile smoothly.  
\- Great! - he says. - It doesn’t have to be hipster, you know. -  
\- Ok - Isak smiles, showing his gums - It won’t be. I have an idea. - He’s blushing again, but Even ignores it, and he pats him on the knee, instead.  
\- I’m sure I’ll like it. -

They stand up then, and Isak mutters something about embarrassing hipsters watching a concert sitting, and then they buy another beer, and they play pool with two girls who look like they are on a date.  
Unlike us, Even thinks, as he watches Isak concentrate, his eyes on the ball, his tongue between his lips.  
Isak fails, and the game ends, with the girls smirking at them and Isak looking grumpy, but not defeated.  
They agree to get out of the bar without saying a word, Even gesturing towards their jackets and Isak nodding.

They’re getting dressed and Even bumps Isak’s shoulder.  
\- Wow, that was some bad billiard you've just played. -  
\- What? - Isak perks up. - It wasn’t! I was just unlucky, it must have been a bump in the carpet or something. -  
\- Haha, right! -  
\- I’m serious! -  
\- Ok - Even says, raising his hands. - You just seem sweet, you’re pretty headstrong, Isak! -  
Isak shows him his tongue, and smiles. - Isn’t it what this is about? -  
\- This? -  
\- Yeah. Aren’t we getting to know each other? -  
Even doesn’t answer immediately, and Isak freezes, one arm inside his jacket, his eyes wide with worry.  
But Even is surprised. He is surprised that Isak understands, that he understands the whole being friends thing. Because Even was going to mention it tonight, on their way home, he was going to mention it and explain himself. But it seems he doesn’t need to, and it’s a huge weight off his shoulders, but it’s also a reason to worry. Maybe Isak isn’t that interested, after all? Yeah, and wouldn’t it be better for him, Even? Or would you have him be interested in you, and then end up staying as far from you as he can, because you have acted crazy, Even, your usual brand of crazy, the one that makes people run as fast as they can, and leaves your friend to pick up the pieces?

Isak coughs, and Even is taken away from his demons, outside of his head. He looks at Isak, and his heart squeezes a bit, because Isak looks a bit worried, his eyes are a bit wide.  
\- Or did you mean… - he begins, and then stumbles upon his words, but still goes on, cheeks pink but chin high, - did you mean friends with benefits? - He says it as if he were choking on the words, and Even immediately grabs him on the wrist, and he’s shaking his head frantically.  
\- No, no, no, nothing like that! -  
Isak is a bit taken aback at the intensity, his mouth is agape, and Even freaks out a bit, crap, could he be any less cool? How about at least trying to play it cool?  
But there’s a smile in the corner of Isak’s mouth, not a teasing smile, a relieved one.  
\- Good - he mumbles, - I don’t think I would manage something like that. -  
Well, Elias’ advice had been exactly the opposite, “Why don’t you go for fuckbuddies and then see?”, and he had insisted, with Even getting more and more flustered. Maybe in another universe he’s a cooler guy, but in this one he’s so lame that he would never be able to have sex with Isak and leave it at that, he knows this already. “You could pretend?” Elias had said, and yeah, as if Even were good at pretending anything. Well, apart from pretending that nothing is wrong in his head, but then, he’s not sure many buy it. But regardless, could he be any less cool? Wasn’t he supposed to be the one in control? And yet, here he is, feeling relieved that Isak doesn’t expect him to go for sex. Wow.  
Could Even be less cool?  
\- Could I be less cool? - he says this loud, with a huff.  
Isak openly laughs this time, and it’s a sound that fills Even’s ears with mirth. The cold fist around his heart is relenting, and he allows himself to relax a bit.  
Yeah, I deserve this, laugh at me. -  
\- You are cool, though -, Isak says, so softly that Even almost misses it, and still blushing furiously, yet holding his gaze steady. Even feels a ripple of warmth where his heart is.  
\- You’re just saying this to be nice. -  
\- Well, friends are supposed to be nice to each other. -  
\- Mh, I’m not sure about this. -  
\- Yeah, well, new friends at least- Isak says, and he frowns slightly, the tiniest frown, actually, a change in expression nobody would notice. Nobody but Even, because that’s how he is, like a human emotions detector.  
\- What’s up? - he asks, and he immediately regrets it, he shouldn’t be monitoring every change in Isak’s features, every little crease around his mouth and eyes, every wrinkle, every sigh. Yet here he is. He really can’t allow himself more, more than friendship, lest he ends up suffocating Isak with his eagerness, with this desperation, with this craving that’s devouring him.

They’re heading out of the bar now, and the crisp night air soothes Even, and she pulls him back into the real world.  
In the real world, Isak is looking at him, again with the tiniest smile on his lips.  
\- Sorry Isak, I didn’t hear what you said -. Even can feel his voice full with anxiety, and he is disgusted at himself, really, is he in his twenties? Because he feels at least ninety, and old old frail man, with a half-working brain.  
\- I just said that Eskild has never been nice, not even at the beginning - Isak answers, lightly, as if there wasn’t anything weird in Even’s intensity.  
Well, he has only praised you to me. -  
\- Mysterious pirate, yeah, I remember -, Isak huffs.  
\- Well, the pirate part was mine, but he only said good things about you. -  
\- I think that has more to do with you, than with me, but ok. -  
\- Why? - Even hopes Isak doesn’t think there’s something between he and Eskild. Maybe that’s why he’s agreeing to this friendship thing? To be a cupido for him and Eskild? Even would like to strangle his own thoughts, but they go on at full speed.  
Isak touches his arm, though, and Even is taken out of his mess of a head, again.  
\- Because, well… - Isak blushes, Even notices even though it’s dark outside. When Isak blushes, his eyelashes flutter, and he pouts slightly. - Well, you being you… - Isak stumbles, and almost falls on the ground, but Even is quick to catch him grabbing his forearm and pulling him to his chest.  
The contact makes him quiver.  
\- Shit - Isak says, throughly embarrassed, it seems.  
\- It’s nothing - Even reassures him, and from now on they are walking in silence.

The city is quiet, the sky clouded, only a couple of stars peeping through their heavy curtains. The air isn’t too harsh on Even’s skin, and there is something beautiful about his steps mirroring Isak’s, about them walking at the same pace, touching the ground at the same moment. He looks to his side, stealing a glance. Isak is walking slightly hunched, his gaze downwards, still a bit flustered. Even feels another rush of warmth.  
It’s as if there were an invisible thread connecting them, so that even if they aren’t speaking, and they don’t know each other yet, and they’ve already had some awkward moments, there is still a mutual understanding, something that puts Even’s heart at peace, in between his anxiety and the rush of his thoughts.

On Isak’s hair the starlight draws silver graffiti, and Even wants to trace them with his finger, and he stops himself short of doing it. On Isak’s cheekbones the cold has tensed the skin, and Even wants to soothe it. Isak’s breath is a soft white cloud and Even wants to kiss it back into Isak’s mouth.

But he can’t. He has promised himself that he wouldn’t bring Isak into the mess that is his mania. They must take it slow. Isak must have a choice.

Isak raises his head, and it’s Even’s turn to blush.  
Do you mind if I walk you home? - Even asks, to hide his feelings, his longing.  
\- No - Isak says, and they keep walking, but suddenly there’s a hand sneaking its way under Even’s left arm. It’s the tiniest contact, through layers of clothing, but to Even it’s enough. It pulls him back into this world, less silver fairy hair and more dark blond slightly damp curls, less razor sharp angelic cheekbones and more warm human skin.

When they reach Isak’s house, they are both smiling.  
\- Thank you - Isak says.  
\- Say hi to Eskild! - Even says, and then hops down the steps, back to the pavement, far from the temptation that is Isak, and it’s ok, because Isak smiles.  
\- I will. -  
\- And let me know about the concert, next week. -  
Isak’s smile grows bigger, and he nods, and then he’s disappearing in the hallway, and Even is left alone on the pavement, his hands in his pockets and his back shivering from the cold, but his mind light and clear, and his heart beating softly behind his ribcage.

As he walks home, the ghost of Isak’s smile still all around him, Even is thinking of nothing, and already there’s a promise of a night made of nothing more, and nothing less, than sleep, and harmless dreams.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is in Even's POV. Even's thoughts are all over the place, I hope this doesn't make the chapter itself confusing, but well, anxiety really is the faithful companion to bipolar, at least in my experience.  
> And of course, Even doesn't quite realize how charming he is. This is one of my favourite traits of his in the series, how Isak sees him as this incredibly cool James Dean, and yet Even is the one who was so desperate as to go and steal all the paper towels :)

**Author's Note:**

> If you want you can find me on tumblr [here](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/dandelionstories), I'm quite new to the whole blogging thing, but it's relaxing :) and i like reblogging nice pictures, and beautiful words.


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